Wilbur the Fiesta S

A while back I did a review on the Ford Fiesta ST which, while admittedly a bit on the slow side, was absolutely fantastic to drive. It was smooth, precise, responsive, everything you want from a hot hatch, all in one affordable economical package. The only thing I really saw as a threat to the Fiesta was its bigger, meaner, more powerful brother the Focus ST. As much as I loved both of those cars, one has to wonder how the non-ST badged counterparts compared, after all the platforms are proven winners.

The Fiesta I drove was basic boring black, with hubcaps and the same number of options you would find on a true/false exam. The added extras included: rear windshield wiper and 6 speed shift-able automatic transmission. Like cruise control? Doesn't have it. Power windows? Not a chance. But standard features include bluetooth connectivity, power door locks, and sweet set of manual windows as a throwback to the good ole days before window motors. Really though, I don't care about the lack of features, this is a sub $15,000 brand new car, we're lucky it even has air conditioning.

The Fiesta looks, well, plain boring when compared to an ST model, or even a base Focus. Ford has the Fusion, the Focus, the Escape, all proud and handsome in their designs, then you have the base Fiesta, a runt of the family. "Wilbur" would be a better name for the car, except that its not quite so cute as the little piglet from "Charlotte's Web." The interior is a step in the right direction, however. Though cheap feeling, it is well put together, and relatively attractive compared to the Korean competition. There really isn't anything besides black plastic inside, the only exception being a little piece of faux aluminum wrapped around the shifter. A bit cramped inside, but once everything was adjusted for me very comfortable.

Obviously, the first thing I did when I fired up the mighty 1.6 liter beast was to try to figure out how to turn off traction control (because who wouldn't?) but was promptly discouraged by the fact that there was no button. As it turns out you have to go in through the radio, go to menu, vehicle settings, then select traction control, which produces a loading bar on the brilliant (psych) LCD screen which progresses as fast as windows 95 trying to download a 1 gigabyte file. Once I finally got the popup box letting me know I was ready to do some smokey burnouts, I put the car in drive and set off.

Now everyone knows that I don't like automatics, but when Ford started putting the dual clutch system in the Fiesta, I knew it was a recipe for disaster. A dual clutch system in a Ferrari, or a BMW, or even a Volkswagen shifts quickly and crisply. This is often one of the main complaints about them, they aren't particularly smooth because they're so fast. Ford clearly didn't want have the only complaint about their car be that the transmission shifts too hard, so they decided to make the transmission terrible in every single way. Anyone who's ever tried to teach someone how to drive a manual knows the feeling produced by the new Fiesta. Rev's go up, clutch engages in a nice slippy/bucky transition, then do it all over again with a lurch into second gear.

Now being that I know how dual clutch systems can produce brutal launches, I did as any gear-head would and tried to power-brake launch the little runt. Left foot on the brake, right foot hard down, revs build to about 3500 before a launch control-like rev limiter has the car shaking slightly in anticipation. Drop the brake and the car sets off in a manner more disappointing than your child flunking out of high school. I measured a quicker take off by just stomping the gas off idle than by launching, the transmission is determined not to allow for even a hint of wheelspin in dry or wet conditions. Not only that but the car refuses to hit its anemic redline, hardly kissing 5800 RPM's before lackadaisically shifting up a gear, even in manual mode.

The next 10 angry minutes were spent trying to force the car to hit its 6500rpm limiter by any means possible. I mashed the downshift button more times than a 10 year old kid presses the X button on his PlayStation to no avail. After the first 30 miles I realized that I had been driving for an hour, and still had no clue how the car drove because I was so upset about the horrible drivetrain. Then, entirely by accident, I had my first success! 23 miles an hour (on the dot) in third gear: mash the gas while simultaneously clicking the downshift button and the car shifts into first, launching (yeah, right) the car forward up until redline, bouncing a couple times off the limiter before shifting firmly and solidly into second gear. For that second alone the car feels really good, proving that the car has some potential to not be terrible. After this success I decided to see how many times I could get the engine to bounce off the limiter, because I am a child and require some sort of fun when I drive. Again I realized that I was driving a car to review, yet I knew absolutely nothing about how it drove.

I buckled down, cranked down the window, and set off, determined to do a proper road test. I hopped onto the interstate and wound out the first three gears; a 25 second endeavor resulting in exactly 63 miles an hour before the lane ran out and I had to cut off a Land Rover because I couldn't get up to speed. The box on the window sticker claims 120 horsepower, yet I think its closer to 80. Roll the window back up and cruise steadily trying to determine how smooth, quiet, and comfortable the car is at speed. Its boring. Really boring. 30 seconds in and I'm suddenly finding myself trying to see how close to redline I can cruise at before the car shifts itself into the next gear. By slowly creeping up I manage 6100 revs for about 1/4 mile before the shift into 4th gear: I'm utterly useless at reviewing this car.

I stop for a little bit to get a cup of Starbucks, and a girl in the parking lot smiles and mentions something about liking my car. I found myself immediately offended by the fact that she thought it was mine, and couldn't resist telling her that it wasn't. She laughed and admitted that I didn't look like a Fiesta driver, but I still didn't like her or her stupid knee high socks. At this point you're probably realizing that I really don't like the car, and that you've pretty much wasted your time by reading this far because the ratio is slipping dangerously close to 90% comedic entertainment and 10% actual review, but oh well.

When I walked out from Starbucks with my Venti (yeah, I'm a man who drinks man-sized drinks) pumpkin spice latte (kidding) I smelled a slight burning clutch-like odor, so I decided to take it easy on the car for the next few miles. This brought me to a revelation about the car: it has excellent cup holders. Sure, these excellent cup holders come with sacrifice (a lack of an armrest) which is annoying, but these bad boys hold a cup of Starbucks tighter than a sorority girl holds her skinny vanilla double blended frap with extra whip.

Now that I knew that my coffee was held tightly in place, and the transmission had cooled off, I hit some back-roads to see if the base model had retained any ST DNA infused in the handling. Surprisingly, the car is still pretty fun on tight corners. Sure it understeers more, and won't cock a rear wheel like the ST version does, but its actually not bad. Paired with a manual transmission, stiffer sway bars, and a better set of shocks I think this Fiesta would be great to drive on back roads. Surprisingly to me Ford managed to make the car slightly torque steer in a fun manner, even though the car produces no measurable torque. For the first time since I set off I forgot all the negatives, and actually broke out a bit of a smile. That was, until I got to some roads quick enough that I had to shift out of second. Shifting in this car is miserable, slow, mushy, yet not smooth at all. This transmission has no place in any car, ever.

Now I know it may seem like I think the Fiesta S is the worst car in the world, but I really don't. Its cheap, economical, and I was able to fit 120 quarts of oil in the trunk. Every single qualm I have with the car is centered around the transmission. A manual would be much better, even a standard automatic would be an improvement. If you're really interested in the Fiesta, I strongly urge you to look for an ST. That car is truly a beautiful piece of engineering, but if $15,000 is your budget: get the manual transmission Fiesta S because even if it looks like a runt, it shares DNA with the ST. Now even if you already have an automatic Fiesta I still have good news! No matter how bad your choice was, you didn't screw up so bad as to buy a Chevrolet Sonic, and that's a reason to celebrate.

Z06 Photographs

Some of my personal favorite pictures of my 2001 Z06 Corvette

This is one of my favorite places to go take pictures, the scene itself just makes the shots all so exciting and vivid.

Corvette Z06 Eats up the Miles

Thursday June 4, 2015. A man and his Fiance prepare for a trip from Gibsonville, NC down into Florida. The man throws 5 pairs of socks, 5 pairs of underwear, 3 pairs of pants, several shirts, and a bathing suit into a bag along with his toothbrush and several other small items. He figures its a 7 day trip, he can do laundry once and be perfectly fine. He kisses his future wife goodbye, then leaves for one final day at work before his first vacation since 2010. Upon returning home from work he finds that his fiance has packed 4,320 outfits, 68 pairs of shoes, and several bags full of things in which he has absolutely no understanding of what they are used for. He stands at the doorway, blinking slowly, looking at the massive pile to be packed into the trunk of his 2001 Corvette Z06. He ponders to himself why one might need 6 different jackets for a trip down to Florida in the middle of summer.

What are these sadistic looking devices? Are they used for torture? Sexual pleasure? Both?

Upon inquiring he is informed that one is used for making hair straight, the other used for making hair not straight. The gears continue turning in his head, but he just can't grasp the concept of why someone would need both straight, and not straight hair. He asks if she also has two irons, one to remove wrinkles, and one to create wrinkles. His sarcasm is not appreciated.

He steps over the mountain of bags, into his bedroom where he finds more items to be packed for the trip. Confused, he gazes at his bride with his mouth slightly open, and one eyebrow perched precariously high on his forehead.

"I know I overpacked, but we might need some of this stuff!" The bride-to-be states, giddy with excitement for the upcoming trip.

The man chooses not to confront her, but instead begins packing 6 weeks worth of luggage into the back of his car. 

At 5:30 AM the next morning, the car is packed, breakfast has been eaten, and its about time to head off. A bottle of Techron goes into the tank, along with 15 gallons of 93 octane. The gas gauge hasn't been quite right for a few years, even after topping off the car it only goes up to 7/8ths of a tank, and after an hour and a half of driving the gauge goes to 0. Quickly resetting the computer always fixes it, but it is annoying nonetheless.

The man sits, sipping his coffee and gazing into the distance, thinking to himself "This will be the true test of the vehicle. Will it be to loud to tolerate on such a long journey? Will the Corvette suck down fuel and leave his bank account crying?"

"Get me a coffee, I'll stay up with you and keep you company during the drive" says his young fiance.

He nods, and hands her the warm beverage. She half drinks half inhales the coffee. The man sighs, and prepares for a long trip with many potty breaks. 8 miles into the trip he glances over to find his co-pilot grinning from ear to ear, thrilled to finally be on vacation. 8.2 miles into the trip he glances back over to find this:

His fiance had passed out asleep less than 10 minutes into the trip, lulled to sleep by the sweet burble of the LS6, comforted by one of the multiple blankets she had packed at the last minute. He sighs, and a low, deep laugh bubbles up from his abdomen, and he continues driving in silence.

Mile 210: the car being driven by his other family members (a Mazda sedan sporting a massive 150 horsepower 2.3 liter 4 cylinder) signals, and gets off the interstate, low on fuel. Though the man had already reset his computer once during the drive because his gas gauge had fallen to zero, he still had over half a tank. The passengers of the Mazda get out, uncomfortable from the bleacher-like seats in the Mazda, while the man and his wife sit in absolute comfort.

Mile 400: the Corvette is just under 1/4 tank, as the Mazda pulls off once again for gas. The man shrugs, empties his second bottle of Techron into the tank, then proceeds to fill up. The pump clacks off, snapping the man out of his dazed trance, indicating that the tank was full after pumping as near as makes no difference 13 gallons. The computer claims that he is achieving 30.5 miles per gallon, but calculating by hand shows 31.3. The gas needle sits dauntingly at 7/8ths of a tank, Making him wonder if he wasted $12 on the two bottles of Techron. 

The rest of the trip down seems uneventful, quiet even, despite hitting traffic through Atlanta. As the pair of cars pulls into the cozy neighborhood they would be sleeping at the man realizes that he hasn't had to reset his computer since mile 400, could the Techron be working?

Greeting their hosts with the mildly awkward "family we haven't seen or talked to in years" hug that everyone has experienced, they begin the painstaking labor of hauling in their bags. Although the man had contemplated tossing some of the excess out the window while his fiance was asleep, it had all made it in one piece to their destination. They had been warned that their hosts were relatively conservative, a point that was proven as they opened the door to the room they would be staying in. Two miniscule twin sized beds sat awkwardly on opposite ends of the room. It seemed as if these beds had recently been moved to ensure that they were as far apart as possible. That glassy daze washed across the mans face once again, but he placed his bags on the floor regardless, and proceeded to make another trip back to his Corvette, finally emptying the trunk of its luggage. 

Florida has always been known for its beauty, and throughout the trip many opportunities arose to capture this beauty. 

The day had finally come when it was nearing time to return home. As is typical, there was somehow more baggage returning with them than they had originally left with. A beautiful morning greeted them as they got ready for their return trip. Silently the man prepared the car for the journey. Oil: check. Gas: check. Windshield cleaned: check. Time to set off! It wasn't for about half an hour into the return trip until the man realized that there was something distinctly different about his fuel gauge: it was entirely up to the "F" on the gauge! He laughed to himself, thrilled with everything about his vehicle, and cracked the throttle wide open, ready for anything this voyage had to throw at him.

2008 Shelby GT500

With exception to the 94-98 body, I've always liked mustangs. Even though most of them have been terrible cars, they always had a charm about them that made you forgive some the flaws of the mustang. This was fortunate for Ford Motor Company because the cars, for the most part, were bafflingly bad. Since it was based on a rental car they handled horribly, didn't look particularly good, were bad on gas, very slow, and had an interior that would have been higher quality if it was built from grass and dried mud. Start typing in Google "Mustang" and you'll see more about mustang fails and crashes than anything. From an outside perspective it's nearly impossible to understand how the mustang didn't go extinct, much less how it's still to this day one of the most popular cars in America.

When the Coyote 5.0 made its debut in the 2011 Mustang, everything changed. No, the car wasn't as nimble as an MX5, but for the first time ever there was a good boulevard cruiser that didn't feel insanely out of place at the first sight of a corner. I was all set to name the 2011 Mustang 5.0 "The Best Mustang ever built." That all changed when I got my hands on a 2008 GT500 though...
The 2008 GT500 isn't insanely fast by any means, but its supercharged 32 valve 5.4 liter V8 makes quite a lot of power, and more than substantial torque off idle. This V8 is based off the 5.4L Triton V8 found in many Ford trucks, which explains the torque off idle. What it doesn't explain is how happy the engine is to rev. The GT500 throttle response is worlds better than the Coyote 5.0, it revs faster, feels more natural, and it pulls like a freight train. This is a heavy car, but any gear, any RPM, you can put your foot down and just go. Remember how I said Mustangs had a charm about them that made you forgive their flaws? This car packs a supercharged gut punch of charm that makes you completely forget the cheap interior and bad handling characteristics. If this engine was wrapped in a respectable chassis, it would be one of the best cars in the world. It pains me to think that, because once upon a time you could have that basic engine in the heroic Ford GT, but the newly released GT turned its back on the passionate supercharged V8 in lieu of an Ecoboost V6 that's as un-supercar like as can be.
Back to the Mustang though, because it does have some flaws. While it isn't ugly, its very bland and generic to look at. The exhaust is also so quiet that its impossible to hear over the sound of the blower. Ford produces one of the best exhaust notes out there, let us hear it instead of muffling it to make it quieter than a stock Mustang GT.
Though the new Mustang 5.0 is a more well balanced car overall, the GT500 is a far better at being a true mustang. Hop  in the GT500 and the car practically begs you to drag race away from every stoplight, the 5.0 is just too refined, too polite, and after feeling the intoxicating character of the 5.4L, the 5.0 is just too boring. A mustang should be big, loud, in your face, and it should shrug off its better handling competitors because it just doesn't care. Your mother always told you to be yourself, and with that in mind Ford: let the Mustang be a Mustang, don't force it into European clothing and take away its American characteristics. You have the Focus ST to be European, give us back our classic American Mustang. My advice to anyone who want's a brand new Mustang, but want's the classic Mustang charm: buy a Dodge Challenger, because right now the Mustang is having an identity crisis.

2015 Golf GTI: Superior to the 2012 Golf R

Right, so you've probably noticed that there is a pretty significant gap in years between these two vehicles, in fact an entire generation gap. 2015 represents a lighter, stiffer, more powerful Volkswagen GTI, and a lot of that shows in the driving dynamics. Since the debut of the Focus ST I've said that Ford had knocked the GTI off the throne as the best hot hatch, and this redesign seems to be an attempt by the Germans to take back the crown.
Now lets roll back to the 2012 Golf R; I drove one around for a while and hated everything about how it felt. It was fat, laggy, sluggish, and Volkswagen seemed to have found a way to make all wheel drive handle far worse than front wheel drive. Its as if lugging around the R's heavy AWD drive-train makes the car feel very unenthusiastic about driving fast.  Shift quickly and you're punished by sensation that almost feels like the car is bogging down. Launch the car hard enough to get any sort of tire spin and you get the feeling your clutch will only last you 1/4 mile. If you gave me one of those cars to drive, I would walk to work instead. Not because the car is the worst thing I've ever been in, and the interior is absolutely fantastic, but because Volkswagen took a bunch of wonderful ingredients, built a recipe for the Golf R, and still managed to produce a disaster from the mix.  Its too boring, too dull, it feels like they took inspiration from the Toyota Camry when they designed this car.
A hot hatch shouldn't be like something you would order on a night out at an expensive steakhouse, that's too grown up and sophisticated. A hot hatch, rather, should be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You shouldn't feel like you have to put on a suit and tie when you hop in your hatch; imagine getting all dressed up to make a PB&J, it would be ridiculous. The Golf R is incapable of having fun, the tires won't spin, quick shifts seem to baffle and confuse the car, and I swear I can turn in harder in the front wheel drive GTI. If you own a Golf R and hadn't realized how miserable it is until now don't be alarmed because you do have options. First off (and my personal recommendation) you can sell your car and buy something else. Seriously, your useless AWD car has a base price of almost $40,000 so you can easily trade it in on something better and still come out with money in hand. Secondly, you can modify it to make it less boring. It really doesn't matter what you do, any modification will be an improvement. If you were to hacksaw the roof off, and remove the tires entirely the car would be better. I could talk for days about all the things I didn't like about the R, but that much negativity is bad for the soul, so lets get on to the 2015 GTI.
For 2015 the new 2.0 turbo engine pumps out ten more ponies than the last Golf, but more importantly there's a massive jump in torque. Imagine taking an already decent PB&J and adding 25% more peanut butter. The result: simply brilliant. I don't feel the need to wear a suit when I drive this car, I hardly feel the need to wear pants when I drive it! Volkswagen has finally regained some of that childish fun that made the original GTI's such a hit. Launch the car hard and you get some good old fashioned tire spin. Shifting into second yields a delightful bark of the tires unlike the R. There's still a noticeable amount of turbo lag, but the wave of torque paired with the much improved sound makes it all okay. I didn't get the chance to really push the GTI, but I did find myself driving it much quicker than an ordinary car, and enjoying myself in a Volkswagen for the first time in a long time.
Volkswagen may have only pumped in 51 more foot pounds of torque to the equation, but that gave the car the attitude its ancestors would finally be proud of. While I still prefer the Focus to the GTI, Volkswagen has done something truly special with this new car. Although you don't feel the need to wear a suit and tie every time you drive, the Golf is classy enough that you could if you wanted to. Can you imagine pulling up in a "Tangerine Scream" orange Ford Focus ST and getting out wearing a suit and tie? Of course not, it would be more ridiculous than when Kia had the Hamsters hop out of the Soul all dressed up. The GTI isn't as thrilling as the Focus, but its light years better than its big brother, the Golf R, or as it should be called: the Golf Zzzzzzz....

2009 BMW Z4 3.5 sDrive

You won't see me excited about too many cars that lack a third pedal, so honestly I tend to avoid them for the most part. With more and more performance cars leaning that way I was still pessimistic during my initial walk around of this stunning blue subject. The z4 in general looks great, but with the hardtop convertible it really blares the definition of roadster. To me it does so too much, to the point where I began to wonder; was this car made to be driven, or made to be seen being driven.

Hop inside and you're greeted with a very nice subtle interior wrapped in high quality materials. This is to be expected of any car at this price level, but there's one major blemish: the cup holder situation. The car has 3 cup holders, one of them fixed to the center console sticking out like a sore thumb into the passenger space. For the life of me I can't get past this cup holder. If it retracted back into the center console it would be fine, but its just sitting there, permanently fixed in the up position like Eminem's middle finger. The other two are hidden under the center arm rest which is annoying because it means no armrest if you want a beverage.

No worries though, this car has a twin turbo straight six under that massive hood, so one thing is for sure: its going to be fast. Quite fast, in fact. On the road the car feels really good. The DCT transmission is surprisingly smooth, and lightning fast. Personally I still prefer the good old slow three pedal system,

Pull up next to just about any mustang at the light and have no fear: everyone will see you run away from them with ease. The car is definitely a rocket off the line, and you never lose boost with the lightning fast shifts from the transmission. The first area of fault I really had with the BMW was the handling. That exaggerated roadster styling has definitely taken its toll on the way the car goes around corners. If you dive into a turn too quickly you will find pretty serious understeer, and then when the back of the car realizes whats going on the car sways, bucks, and kicks out the back like a muscle car.

Overall the car genuinely feels like a nice, luxurious, muscle car meant to be seen in rather than actually driven hard. Its definitely good to drive, but it lacks the sharpness and controllable feel of an mx-5. Up in Motor City is where this car belongs, putting classic muscle cars to shame from stoplight to stoplight.

Fiat 500 Abarth

86 cubic inches. That's it, just 86 tiny little cubic inches make up the angry little Fiat's engine. Go to a local gas station and you'll likely find a super big gulp cup with more volume than this car displaces. What you won't likely find at the gas station is very many Fiat 500's.  When kept out of boost these cars are great on gas, which is good because it has a microscopic gas tank. In my case, however, the little Italian spent quite a lot of time in boost howling through its unmuffled vocal chords like a roaring tiger. That isn't even an exaggeration, go listen to a video of a tiger growling, the sound is eerily similar.

Sitting in the Abarth you feel much higher off the ground than you would expect from a relatively small car. The car doesn't provide the same sensation of your typical hot hatch, more like a small SUV that someone shrunk down ever dimension except height. The car is just as quirky as its competitor the, the Mini Cooper S, but not quite as charming. The buttons on the dash are big and cheap looking, and with the strange hard plastic dash pad the car literally looks like one of those Jitterbug cell phones people used to buy for their grandparents. I found the only button I was concerned with relatively quickly though, the sport button. Fiat claims that engaging sport mode will boost torque to 170 foot pounds, which if I'm honest isn't a lot. It isn't like anyone ever got in a car like this and thought "Yikes, its a bit damp out, I better limit the torques to 150 to avoid loosing control in my front wheel drive car!" There is a distinct sensation that the car was originally designed to constantly be in sport mode. It's almost as if Fiat designers intended only one driving mode, then management threw a fit and required a more economically friendly driving mode to boost MPG's. Pop the microscopic hood to look at the microscopic engine and you'll wonder if Fiat started with an engine and built the car around it, because there is no wasted space at all.

Hopping on the interstate was an absolute blast, the car loves boost, and even though there is quite a lot of throw in the shifter, the operation of it feels great. First, second, and third are up in no time, and that muscular howl puts many factory v8's to shame. At speed the car feels very neutral, but still a little bit top heavy during quick lane changes to pass. Plenty of torque is available in any gear, a rare gift in the turbo 4 world. Honestly this car was shaping up to be a real slam dunk, but then it happened: A slightly off camber sharp turn. After driving countless hot hatches and quick front wheel drive cars, I had gotten used to off throttle oversteer and other terrifying attributes of a properly fun front wheel drive setup. This, however, wasn't anything like that. After that corner I have no doubt in my mind that I could flip this car with a simple Scandinavian flick. Have you ever seen the Top Gear episode where Richard tries to get sideways in his van and ends up on the roof faster you can blink? How about the one where Jeremy flips the Reliant Robin more times than Charlie from Two and a Half Men has been to the doctor for an STD test? Of course you have. Well, that's what the Abarth feels like mid corner. The car is FAR too narrow, and much too tall to be driven the way it wants to be driven. Its truly scary in a way that completely turned me off from the car. Excessive oversteer is fun and usually controllable, torque steer is fun and controllable, but flipping a car off its wheels is rarely fun, and never controllable.

So there you have it: under the cute and cuddly looks, the Fiat 500 Abarth roars like a tiger and it certainly goes like a tiger. The problem lies when you finally build up the confidence to let it out of its cage, because it will undoubtedly kill you.

2011 John Cooper Works Mini

Everyone loves a good Mini, its impossible not to. Let me repeat that, with a bit more emphasis: Everyone loves a good Mini. The John Cooper Works edition is not only a good Mini, but a GREAT Mini.
On the outside this special edition looks very familiar, with a few key changes that let you know that this thing means business. Anyone who witnesses the quirky aesthetics of this car and doesn't smile is evil. Seriously, the Mini Cooper is like an adorable little puppy, you just have to love it even if it has an accident on the floor. The interior is much the same, about as opposite of Volvo as one can be. I highly recommend sitting in this car for at least 10 minutes learning where everything is before you set off.
It was about time for me to start the test drive, so I grabbed the keys and hopped into the drivers seat. Right off I noticed how different the controls were; a quick look at the dash reminded me that I wasn't authorized to fly a jet fighter. The toggle switch style controls are unconventional at best, but really very neat. Cruising around the parking lot was as easy as any small hatch, plenty of visibility, compact size, and nice light clutch. It was a nice day outside, so I decided to roll down the window. At least I thought I wanted to roll down the window. The series of events that took place next went as follows: Unlock the doors, lock the doors, turn on some lights, turn them back off, open the sunroof (close, but still not the windows), and then finally I found the toggle switch that did what I wanted it to. Now if I had just taken the time to look at the dash closely I would have been fine, so its not like this weird setup is impossible to figure out, but its not as "user friendly" as some competitors.
Once I had gotten the controls figured out it was time to actually put this car to the test. My parents were riding with me, so I didn't get to give this car a 100% test, but based on my fathers grin the entire time, this car is an absolute joy to drive. The one thing that really surprised me was how little drama there was from the torquey little front wheel drive system. Under hard acceleration there wasn't even a hint of torque steer. Most people seem to hate torque steer, but I think it gives a car character, and its why the Ford Focus ST has been my favorite modern hatchback.
Anyways, back to the drive: Though this car is much bigger than the original Mini Cooper, it still feels as nimble as can be. The only area I had any issues with were hard acceleration around a turn. Lay into it too hard in first or second with the wheel cut, and you're left with a weird, uncertain, floaty sensation. There was some definite wheelspin, but I had very little idea what was actually happening under the front wheels. In this area Ford, Volkswagen, and Mazda are all superior. The John Cooper Works edition comes with a brilliant differential that offers infinitely variable lockup from 0%-50%. This differential works really well in gears 2 and up compared to the standard cars fixed 30% lockup diff, however I get the feeling its also the reason for the floating sensation when you get too heavy with your right foot around a corner.
Even though I truly believe either of Fords turbo hatchbacks are superior in every measurable way, I still have a love for the Mini. Its a car that unlike its BMW cousins, doesn't take itself too seriously, and always wants to play. The Mini Cooper presents a solution to all the fighting and hostility in the world, as even the most ruthless dictator couldn't resist giggling as he got behind the wheel of this quirky hot hatch. To prove my point I challenge you next time you're really annoyed, angry, furious, hostile, anything: go test drive a Mini Cooper, you'll feel the hatred melting away.

9th Gen Civic Si

I'll admit that it's been a long time since I've climbed behind the wheel of the last sporty car in Honda's lineup: the Civic Si. When I wrote the review of the 8th generation Si it had been months since I was actually in the vehicle, but I still remembered its lovable character and it's bad influence saying "rev me higher, I can take that turn faster" every time I put my right foot down. The 8th generation civic left little to be desired, it was just about the perfect Honda Civic. 

When I heard that Honda had fattened up the midrange torque to 170 ft/lbs on the 9th generation Si, I began to wonder if there was actually a reason why a sane person might buy the new Camry look-alike instead of the older 8th generation. 

I won't lie: today when I grabbed the keys to a practically brand new 2012 Si I was REALLY excited about the test drive; I was determined to punish this new civic. Not much really seems different about the interior at first glance: it's still quirky, it's still different, and it still works wonderfully. I started it up and cruised around the parking lot. The clutch engagement and shifter are still brilliantly honda, but the revs felt like they were hanging a bit. Hey, it's cold out and the engine wasn't warm yet, I figured it would work itself out when the car warmed up fully: WRONG. For something that tachs up so quickly, the needle falls as slowly as a party balloon without quite enough helium to stay afloat. Seriously, I've sank into a soft mattress faster than these revs drop; what gives, Honda? 

Alright: so the car is warm, my hands have finally unfrozen, and I'm ready to see what this new honda has in it, here goes nothing! An overly quick clutch release leads to copious wheelspin in first gear, and when it finally remembers it's manners it's already time to shift! Definitely a weird feeling to spin like that in a stock Honda Civic, but there is no doubt that honda wasn't kidding about the torque figures. Drive the car slowly, never going past 5500rpms, and it's really quite good! You have enough muscle to get you around and you don't notice the hanging revs quite as much. The problem is, that's not what a Honda Civic is supposed to be. In a Honda Civic, you're never supposed to want to go below 5500 rpms. It's that intoxicating buzz/howl/scream we so fondly know as vtec that made the old civic so charming. This new civic doesn't have that at all because there's moderate torque before the car hits vtec, then what feels like 1500rpms to little up top. A 0-85 burst was in order, and this time I figured I would try driving the Si a bit more like a mustang: progressive with the throttle to avoid overpowering available traction in first gear. This actually felt alright (although a mustang has a lot more torque, so it was strange having to be ginger to avoid upsetting traction with so little.) Second gear was much the same as first, but the 2-3 shift really unsettled me. There seriously must be a 50 pound flywheel in this car, the revs just cling to where you left off rather than dropping down allowing for smooth up changes. It seems like this is a design to make low rpm shifts smoother rather than high rpm shifts pleasurable. Another mark for the old civic. 

I drove the car like a sane person for a little bit and noted the really smooth ride. This car soaks up bumps like a 5,000 pound Buick! I would love it, if it were, I don't know, a 5,000 pound Buick or something. The problem is that even though the car still handles fairly well, it feels so much more numb than the old one. I never felt encouraged to throw the car into a turn because I never knew what was happening under the front tires. The old car encouraged you to take turns faster like that one friend who always pours you another drink, and even though you know better you always take it. Unlike that friend, though, the old civic would always have your back because it was so easy to throw into turns, and even when it started to slide you could tidy it up with a bit of throttle. Taking turns in the new Si is like going out drinking with your mom; "Why don't you just take it easy this time."

Now I know that I've pretty much spent the entire time bashing the civic, and I don't mean to say it's a bad car. With the new engine and tweaks to the suspension the 9th generation civic has really grown up. Even though you have the power to spin the tires, you don't ever really want to. In one statement I can define the 9th generation civic: If you're looking to replace that old Buick park avenue you've been so fond of with something that feels exactly the same, but with a manual transmission: I present to you, the 2012 Honda Civic Si.