Anyone with enough data to check Facebook once in a while has seen it: the concept car. The concept car has one real purpose, to gauge the public's reaction to some ridiculous new design or technology. Concept cars are usually very exciting, the dramatic lines, innovative power-plants, and futuristic styling draws the attention of consumers (whether "car people" or your average Joe who drives an econobox every day). Unfortunately the vast majority of these concepts are never actually mass produced, and if they are they usually hardly even resemble the original prototype in the first place. Auto makers tend to dream big, building a completely out of the box prototype, hyping it up, then designers say "lets be realistic guys, nobody will want this car that everybody is so excited about." so they dial it back about 5 notches and produce a relatively boring car.
This isn't always a bad thing, its worked for, well, literally since cars became common place in the world, but it does make one wonder "What would happen if a car manufacturer actually produced a car like that?" Meet the BMW i8. When you compare the i8 concept to the actual i8, the real car seems more insane than the concept! While this may seem remarkable, like a breakthrough that's good for everyone, there are a few problems with it.
The BMW i8 looks neat, exciting, almost unreal, but it is by no means a good looking car. In fact, its quite the opposite, almost more ugly than your average sedan. "How can that be?" you ask. When one drives down the street there are more eyes on it than Kim K's "break the internet" photo. Kim and the i8 are actually very similar considering both are obnoxiously designed, over-hyped, not actually very attractive, and nobody really cares other than the fact that everybody thinks they should care. Still not convinced that something so dramatic, exciting, and breathtaking isn't actually pretty? Well lets discuss some other breathtaking things that aren't pretty: Alligators, car accidents, tornadoes, most strippers, a punch to the groin, a tyrannosaurus rex, Grendel from Beowulf. The list goes on and on, and every single one would get similar attention to the i8, yet no one would consider any of them pretty.
There's another fatal flaw to the i8 too, that many people tend to overlook: its a BMW. Why is this a problem? BMW has made as many (if not more) good cars as anyone in the automotive industry. The problem is that it isn't your average BMW, its a techy geeky BMW that excites those who have to have the absolute latest in technology, but they also have to be BMW owners.
Everyone knows the tech geek type: They have to have the absolute latest and greatest in phones, cameras, laptops, gaming systems, televisions, sound systems, anything powered by electricity is their king! The average tech geek knows A LOT about these gadgets, how to use them, what the differences are, why one is better than the other. These people are usually great because if you go to them and tell them what you need, they can actually help you get the best product for your needs usually without bias. Then you have the BMW owner who is completely the same, but entirely different. These people are also into the latest and greatest, but this time with EXTREME bias. Need a new phone? Don't be an idiot, you're getting the latest iPhone because Android is inferior in every way, don't bother trying to bring facts into the argument. Of course a BMW owner has a Rolex, no other watch can tell the time without you having to look down at it, meaning you can keep your nose high up in the air at all times.
That brings us to the i8 owner. Why did he get an i8? He still had 18 months left on the lease of his m3, so he obviously didn't need a new car. The thing is, when the i8 was released his m3 became entirely irrelevant in his eyes. To him driving around in an m3 when there's such a thing as the i8 is the equivalent to having an iPhone 6 when the iPhone 6s exists. Sure, no one really cares, and probably wouldn't ever even notice that he isn't in the newest thing, but how can he live knowing he can't be better than everyone else? So that brings him to his new car. On his wrist he has is Rolex (obviously) but because he's a techy geek too he has an Apple watch slightly further up his wrist. He uses Siri in unnecessary situations like asking the time in public, just so people can see him do it. "Hey Siri, when's my next scheduled maintenance on my brand new BMW i8?" he asks after spending 3 hours at home trying to figure out how to get Siri to respond with exactly what he wanted her to say. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite get that." Humiliated, he snatches his fully charged phone off the wireless charger he brought into Starbucks, and storms out to his car. He heads straight to the Apple store to demand them replace his clearly defective iPhone.
Tell an i8 driver you like his car, seriously. While a normal person would respond to a compliment with a "thank you!" this guy will say "I know." then turn his back to you and continue sipping on his latte. The i8 driver (unlike most BMW owners) has done extensive research on
what turn signals are for. He still doesn't use them (obviously) or even
fully understand their purpose, but he's spent hours on his MacBook pro
researching them. This guy is seriously a sociopath. He uses words like "aperture" to describe the $3000 camera he just bought, even though he leaves it in auto mode because he doesn't know what its even for, then pays a photographer to take pictures for him that he pretends he took. There are no i8 owners clubs, because i8 owners can't stand being around people with the same things as them. These guys have every option possible on their cars, even getting mad when BMW wouldn't allow them to get both the alcantera interior and the dark oyster stitched leather interior on the same vehicle. They don't get why they can't have both, there was a check box for both of them and they checked both of them when pre-ordering.
So there you have it, the problem with the BMW i8. While it displays the marvels of modern technology and delivers on one of the potentially most exciting production car looks BMW has ever made, it really only draws those who don't even know why the i8 should be cool, they just know that it makes them better than everyone else around them.
Some of you may be thinking that this review is missing something: how does the car actually drive? I don't really know, and similar to the i8's celebrity counterpart, Kim K, despite the fact that everyone thinks they're supposed to, nobody actually gives a damn about what shes like.
